What is it with people and inclement weather? It gets a little icy and a little wet and people on the freeway lose their freakin minds. I drive fifty miles to get to work, and right after the storm blew through last night, I counted nearly twenty accidents, most of them were single cars driving off the road and bouncing through a ditch. It's like they never seen ice before. And then this morning on my way south, it snowed a little bit and then there was some freezing rain. You would have thought there was an Earth shattering apacolyptic event they way some people were driving. Some people slowed down below 50mph, and others were doing 85. I though I was gonna get killed. It wasn't even a lot of snow, it didn't even accumulate. A decade ago I lived in Maryland, and I drove on the beltway everyday to get to work, about thirty miles one way. The snow on the beltway would be so deep that you couldn't even see the road, and then it would just pack down. Everybody would do about 60, you couldn't even tell if you were in a lane. You were just driving on a flat spot, and you didn't tap your brakes for nothin, cause if you did, there would be a thousand car pileup.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

here it is, one outstanding sandwich:

 

-Multi-grain bread

-blackforest peppercorn ham, sliced thin  (lots of this)

-hot asparagus

-jalapenoes

-swiss and monteray cheese

-sourcream

 

I made this myself, im so proud.

ususally i go to subway for a sandwich, i get a footlong and promise myself i wont eat the whole thing in one sitting, and of course i always fail. Their sandwiches are so good... i don't care if they are healthy or not. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Well I'm finally doing another update. This time I'm putting another album in. These are all pictures I took on my cell phone traveling in the northern Sacramento Valley, mostly on I-5 and Hwy 20. And most of them were taken at 70 MPH or better. I love the camera phone, but if your gonna do it, you should practice first.

 

 

GREAT, GREEN GOBS OF GREASY, GRIMY GOPHER GUTS (2)
(Tom Glazer)

CHO: Great, green gobs of greasy, grimy, gopher guts,
Mutilated monkey meat, itty bitty birdie feet.
Great, green gobs of greasy, grimy, gopher guts,
And me without a spoon.

Some people eat hamburger meat while others like potatoes,
And some must chew their Irish stew along with ripe tomatoes.
I can't understand why in ev'ry land, they serve such peculiar dishes.
For wherever I go, they always say "No!" when I tell them what my wish is.
I scream for ... (Chorus)

I can pay my way in a French café which is big and quite expensive,
Where the diners dine and the wine is fine, but I'm always apprehensive.
When the menu comes, I twiddle my thumbs at the list of fancy dishes:
Caviar and steaks, champagne and cake, is never what my wish is.
I beg for ... (Chorus)

In the life to come, I intend to hum this hymn to old Saint Peter:
I won't need much, when my harp I touch, and become a heavenly eater.
I won't ask for money or milk and honey, and my voice will never falter
While the trumpets blare on the Golden Stair as I stand at the Shining Altar.
I yell for ... (Chorus)

(Tag:) And me without a spoon! Yuck!
copyright Tom Glazer

 

 

             

           I had a weird dream the other day, but I guess all dreams are supposed to be weird. This one is weird mostly because I remember it.

It started out with me getting chased by two morbidly obese assassins. Who the hell would hire an assassin that weighed as much as a Japanese import?

By the end of the chase they had graduated to trying to run me down with their mo-peds. I escaped by hiding in a building of some sort. Here is the part that's kind of creepy, inside this house is my little brother, who by the way is also trying to kill me, and while he is doing that I'm trying to capture this really wicked looking spider. It was about as big as my hand, shiny black with no distinguishing marks. It wasn't round like a Black Widow, it was shaped almost exactly like your common garden spider. I had the feeling that it was increadibly dangerous and I think I was going to use it on the chubby-duo. I've tried looking the spider up on the internet but the only black spiders I can find are Widows. 

 

 

 

   

 

Well I guess it turns out I'm a sucker for sunsets. The other day I was driving home from work and caught a spectacular one on my cell. Then, thinking of you guys, I went to Radio Shack and ordered a cable so that I could hook my phone up to the computer and download the images onto the site. Now that I have figured out how to  create a photo album. Just for kicks, I looked up some sunsets on the internet and added them to my first ever photo album. Got some cool ones from NASA. I'll be adding some more as time goes on.

 

 

Alright don't laugh, somebody else inspired me and I figured you'll never see me anyway, so I'm gonna try some poetry.

On second thought, go ahead and laugh you filthy !@#$%^&*.

 

                Oh Shepherd

There are wolves among your flock.

But we are among them too.

We are the ones who do not go where the Sheep go.

We are the ones who do not do as the Sheep do.

We follow no one, we lead no one, we bow to no one.

We do as the Sheep will not, what they are told they should not.

We are the Merciless Enforcers, the tools of justice.

We are the Dogs of War, we stand before the Evil.

We sacrifice our freedom, our lives.

For the Sheep who do not even like us.

We are the Knights, the Soldiers,

The Swords Against The Darkness.

 

 

 

Add this site to your places to go. "Defeat serves as good a purpose as victory, it shakes the soul and lets the glory out."

 

 

I was almost captured today. A few customers united and tried to trap me, but my years working here have made me nimble and quick and I was able to evade them by jumping behind a pallet of peat moss. I nearly landed on the remains of another employee. It looked like he had been there quite awhile. It was obvious that the customers got him, there were tooth marks on his skull and most of his clothes were gone. I pulled apart a couple of bags of moss and covered him, I would have said a prayer for him but I was interupted by a manager, probably wanting me to do another "project." I climbed the racking and ran into a few employees who were alive and well, they bragged about thier forty-five minute coffee break. I left them to thier gossip and headed for the restroom, my fourth trip this morning. I thought about the employee that I buried, did I know him? Did the same fate await me? To be eaten by customers, what a horrible way to go.

Freakin go here baby.

 

 

 

 

hooah. baby.

 

 If you want hilarity unchained, you have to visit this site. The setup is this, people ask questions, about pretty much anything (keep it clean or get booted off) and other people answer. Of course, I am a complete smart ass. Whenever your on watch for the knight, he's bound to make milk come from your nose.

    http://qna.live.com/

 

      

 

 

      I have two jobs so i often can go weeks without a day off. Occasionally I can even go a month. So on my day off i like to do as little as possible. Usually that means a well deserved nap, say from seven to noon. Then when the kids get home from school we reconnect a little, i say 'a little' because thier 9 and 10 and they have other pursuites, mostley playing outside.  

     So recently, i get this new email address so that i can keep in contact with the powers that be while i'm away from work. What the hell was i thinking. I got an email from my boss asking me if i had time this weekend to work on my subordinates evaluation. O'course the answer was no, actually i did think on it...i tried to remember where i lost the damn thing. Turns out i left it at my X's. Wonder why i did that. (cool. emoticons)

     I'm still learning how this whole internet crap works out. I discover a little everytime i come here. Coming soon.......pictures. I don't know how soon, i have to get a day off first.

 

    

    Hey all, somebody asked me what a flycatcher is, and here's the answer; I drink just enough beer to get stupid, then i lay out on

a lawn chair with my mouth open and when a fly lands in it, SLAM!! Free meal. It's a real important government job, created to slow

the oncoming plauge of flies.      

     

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

   Honestly folks, I have no idea what i'm doing. I literally started this at nine this morning and it's now half past noon. I've managed to get some cool music from pandora.com, they totally rock. I found a semi-decent backround. I have no idea how to get this out to the masses, I'm not completely sure it's wise at all. Being funny is such a chore. But if i manage to make milk come out of your nose than I will accept this as a win, if not I will accept this as a challenge. Bring it baby. I think in order for this to work i have to bounce off of you. Don't take me seriously if I make a slight, I don't mean anything personally, I mean I think your great, especially when you wear your shirt like that, very sexy...um...I'm running out of material...oohh theres the phone...gotta go.

 

B man